


Promises

by iloveyoulikethis



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Drunk Sex, Friends With Benefits, High Sex, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Shower Sex, Song fic, guest appearance: ‘00 line, i hurt myself with my own fic, like lots of crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-19 05:30:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22005922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveyoulikethis/pseuds/iloveyoulikethis
Summary: “i make no promises, i cant do golden rings, but i’ll give you everything, tonight.”
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 9
Kudos: 375





	Promises

**Author's Note:**

> based on the song promises by calvin harris and sam smith.

i make no promises, i cant do golden rings, but i’ll give you everything, tonight. 

—

it has all began taking a toll on donghyuck, even though he refused to admit it. 

the cold breeze played with his hair and clinged to his skin, leaving icy kisses on the honey expanses of his neck. he blows out puffs of warm smoke from his mouth and into the cool air, running his fingers through his dark hair. the moon was especially bright tonight, donghyuck notes, luminous in the sky, lighting up the city in a white glow. his eyes roamed the dark navy, almost black sky, counting the few twinkling stars. distant sounds of revving engines and car horns could be heard, but he payed them no mind, taking a long drag from the cigarette between his dry fingers. his mind drifts as his gaze lands on the flickering city lights, and they blur slightly as he loses himself to his thoughts, held captive by his own brain. 

his trance is broken as he hears the balcony door slide open. he doesn’t bother turning his head to his left to see who is it, because seconds later, the face that’s been haunting his mind appears right beside him, taking the cigarette from his lips and placing it right between his. donghyuck doesn’t speak, he’s too tired to speak, choosing to simply stare as mark takes a long drag before blowing out the smoke in donghyuck’s general direction before turning to face the night sky, propping his elbows on the railing of the small balcony. 

with mark’s back facing him, donghyuck takes in mark’s figure. said man is wearing a thin shirt that most definitely did nothing to shield him from the cold breeze and certainly didn’t belong to him, but belonged to donghyuck instead, grey shorts covering his milky thighs. his black hair is all over the place, soft strands sticking out left and right. in the mellow moonlight, he can see a few, angry red lines on the back of mark’s arms and some ruby bruises adorning the base of his neck. realization dawns on him; he broke one of mark’s few and only rules, no visible marks, but he thinks, hopes the latter doesn’t care. donghyuck hasn’t taken a look at himself in the mirror, but he believes his own neck in covered in red, almost purplish bruises. he hates the fact that he likes them right where they are. 

“why aren’t you in bed?” mark speaks, quiet voice breaking the silence, turning to face donghyuck. 

“couldn’t sleep,” donghyuck mumbles. his eyes widen a little as soon as he notices that mark’s neck is covered in hickies. he absolutely hates that he likes the view.

mark moves to where donghyuck is sitting, and donghyuck thinks mark is about to touch him, kiss him, but he just leans to put out the cigarette in the ashtray right beside donghyuck. he tries to convince himself he wasn’t disappointed. 

“well, now that i’m awake, i’ll change and head back,” mark says. “come on inside, it’s cold out here.” 

although he’s used to it, donghyuck’s heart deflates. he can’t believe he actually thought for a second that mark would be willing to sleep over, right beside donghyuck.

he looks at mark to see his extended hand, and he suddenly can’t find it in himself to turn the man down, he knows mark will scold him, and he thinks he can’t handle that right now. 

he gets up slowly, slotting his hand into mark’s warm one, and follows him back inside, leaving the balcony door wide open. 

they make their way back to donghyuck’s bedroom, the smell of sex still fresh in the air. he gets under the sheets that now smell of mark, sighing as his back hits the soft mattress, bed squeaking in the process. he also can’t find it in himself to care if the dark blue sheets are soiled. he’s too tired to care. mentally and physically. he lays on his side, droopy eyes never leaving mark’s figure, the latter picking up his clothes from the ground and quickly changing into them. 

“you okay?” mark speaks, looking into donghyuck’s eyes while buckling his belt. his tone is a little concerned, or maybe donghyuck is deluding himself into thinking it is. mark doesn’t care. why would he?

donghyuck smiles softly, and hopes its convincing. he didn’t want to look like he was two seconds away from breaking down.  
“just tired,” he mumbles. 

mark is silent as he throws on his orange hoodie, running his hand through the mess that is his hair. if he blames donghyuck for it, he doesn’t say it out loud. 

“mark, come here,” donghyuck says tenderly, and mark strides to where donghyuck laid. donghyuck gestures for mark to lean down, and the latter complies. he runs his fingers through mark’s soft, black strands, taming them. mark’s scent wafts into his nostrils yet again, and he feels his heart beating faster than usual. 

“it’s 3 a.m, mark. no one’s gonna look at your hair,” donghyuck mumbles, softly chuckling. 

he sees the corners of mark’s mouth lift into a gentle, small smile, and in the midst of it all, he kisses donghyuck, a mellow kiss. donghyuck feels himself melting into it. it felt so good. so right. 

“i’ll see you later, donghyuck,” mark says, leaning back. he turns and quickly walks out of donghyuck’s room, closing the door softly behind him. 

he can’t help the tears that fall as he hears his front door shutting quietly, and he’s a sobbing mess in seconds, crying into his pillow that now smells of mark. he despises that all he thinks of is mark. mark. mark. 

oh donghyuck. what have you done to yourself?

-

donghyuck is thankful it’s cold and snowy. although the weather is somewhat gloomy and the sun is hidden behind an array of thick clouds, it’s the perfect weather for a turtleneck. a turtleneck to cover the harsh, red mess decorating every inch of his neck. he curses as he steps into the icy air, putting his gloves on. he silently wishes he didn’t  
agree to his friends’ sudden plans. he didn’t even know nor remember uttering any words of agreement, however, he did not want to spend the day alone, not after the previous night. he thinks it’s a great opportunity for him to forget, even if it’s for a little while. 

he welcomes the coziness off the coffee shop with open arms, sighing as the warm air engulfs his body. the smell of the roasted coffee beans hits him, wafting into his now red nose. 

he spots renjun sitting on a table right by the window overlooking the snowy sidewalk, and swiftly makes his way to him, hugging his best friend rather tightly, before sitting down across of him. 

“where are the rest?” donghyuck asks while taking off his gloves, pocketing them in his coat. 

“yangyang texted me saying they need ten minutes to arrive, that was thirty minutes ago,” renjun exhales. 

donghyuck finds himself chuckling, realizing how long it has been since he’s last seen his friends. he thinks it’s been around two? three? weeks since he’s last seen them or heard their loud laughs. he really missed them. he thinks he’s to blame though, having secluded himself from anyone and everyone that’s not mark for the past few weeks, claiming he’s busy with work and stuff. he starts to think that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea. 

“boo,” a voice whispers right into his ear, and it’s takes everything in donghyuck not to scream right then and there in the middle of the quiet coffee shop. 

“fuck you, yangyang!” donghyuck whisper-shouts, right hand over his heart. “you almost gave me a heart attack you asshole!”

his friends collectively laugh, taking turns to hug him, a little tightly, too. he appreciates it.  
they fall into a telly chit-chat, sipping on their hot beverages, catching up on the latest gossip, snorts and quiet laughs occasionally filling the air. yangyang and renjun bicker ever once in a while, but donghyuck tunes it out, smiling to himself, feeling the weight on his shoulder turn a little, just a little lighter. he’s missed his friends so, so much. 

“hey donghyuck, how’s mark? haven’t seen him in a while,” jeno asks. and just like that, the weight is back right where it was, maybe even heavier than before. if jeno notices the shift in donghyuck’s eyes, he doesn’t say a thing, and to that, donghyuck is so grateful. 

he’s looking at the table, finding the one ray of sunshine suddenly so interesting. it’s gone just as fast as it appeared. “oh, he’s fine, just busy with work and stuff, you know...” he trails off, taking a sip of his hot chocolate, hoping it would magically do something to calm his beating heart. 

“you know, that’s the same excuse you’ve been giving us for the past few weeks,” yangyang’s tone is teasing, eyes squinting playfully. 

donghyuck turns to face his friend, and feels his cheeks burning a little, and he suddenly feels very hot. did they crank up the heating?

“what do you mean?” he replies, eyes darting around. 

“i mean, you two have been off the radar for a while, did he finally ask you to marry him or some shit?” yangyang continues teasing, right eye blinking weirdly, and donghyuck assumes it’s a poor attempt of a wink. 

donghyuck manages a half-assed snort, forcefully sipping the remenants of his now cold beverage before uttering a reply. 

“mark and i are just friends, yangyang. nothing more, nothing less.” he speaks, voice a little firm. “you and your fantasies are so weird,” he jokes, hoping to sway the attention away from him, and it works, jaemin bringing up an old incident that had to do with yangyang and a crush. 

donghyuck laughs quietly at his friends as he checks his phone for any calls or messages, heart deflating when he sees nothing. absolutely nothing from mark. it isn’t surprising, and donghyuck doesn’t know why it still hurts. mark rarely texts him the day after, unless it’s to tell him he forgot something. he feels a pair of eyes staring at him, and looks up to catch renjun turning his face to jaemin. his heart thuds against his chest, and he suddenly feels downright tired, the weight on his shoulders growing heavier and heavier. his lower back still hurts from the late events of last night, and he just wants to go back to the shelter of his own home, away from all eyes. 

he gets up slowly, announcing that he needs to go back home to get ready for work. he gathers his things and retrieves his black gloves from the pocket of his coat, putting them back on. he bids his friends a warm goodbye, promising to see them more often. he’s so very thankful they don’t question him. 

“say hi to mark for us!” yangyang says, and donghyuck smiles, mumbling a small “sure” before walking away from his group of cozy friends and into the chilly air. 

his tears are already falling as he tries to insert the key into the keyhole, eyes blurry. the first sob escapes his lips as soon as he opens the door, echoing throughout the white walls of his small living room. he has barely even closed his front door before he’s collapsing on the ground, crying into his arms. 

his mind is plagued with thoughts of mark all the damn time, and he fucking hates it. he hates that he wakes up hoping mark had a good night’s sleep. he hates that he thinks of mark as he’s having lunch, hoping he’s having a hearty meal. he despises that when it hits 12 a.m., he patiently waits for mark to call or text him. he loathes the fact that sometimes, his brain tricks him into thinking he actually means something to mark, that he’s more than a friend, more than a casual fuck. he feels so egocentric, so selfish for wanting mark all for himself and no one else. he feels absolutely dumb for wanting to know if mark ever thinks about him, talks about him. donghyuck hates himself. and donghyuck wishes he hated mark. 

his crying has subsided into quiet sniffles now, tear tracks drying only to be replaced with fresh, silent tears. he sits on the ground, staring into nothing until he hears a soft knock at the door, and feels his heart stop. 

could it be mark? did he forgot something? if he did he would’ve texted m-

“donghyuck, it’s me. you forgot your phone,” it’s renjun. his quiet voice barely audible. 

it’s not mark, and donghyuck can’t figure out if he’s disappointed or happy. he inwardly curses himself and his forgetfulness. he has absolutely no idea how is he going to face his best friend looking like this. he knows for a fact that how renjun is and how he won’t leave until he makes sure donghyuck is alright. and right now, donghyuck is anything but alright.  
he slowly wills himself to get up, ignoring how his fatigued muscles protest at the sudden movement. he pads sluggishly to the front door, wiping his tears with the sleeves of the coat he was still wearing, sniffling. he knows he looks like a mess and there’s nothing he can do about it. 

donghyuck gradually opens the door and faces his best friend. renjun’s brown orbs gaze at donghyuck’s teary ones, hands in the pockets of his jeans. 

“hey-“ 

“you don’t have work today,” renjun’s firm voice cuts him off. 

“yeah, yeah i don’t.” donghyuck whispers, and the salty tears start falling again, uncontrollably this time. he feels renjun wrap his arms around him, his face buried in renjun’s neck. he cries and cries and cries, whimpers filling the space, renjun just holding his best friend tight. 

renjun exhales slowly, “what has he done to you?” 

-

donghyuck wakes up while the sun is setting, giving his room a warm, golden glow. he doesn’t remember falling asleep, nor does he recall getting in his own bed. his mind is already back to work, filling up with incessant thoughts. in its haze, his mind registers the delicious smell of food, which drives donghyuck to sit up and slowly get out of bed. his sock clad feet tread softly in the direction of his tiny kitchen, where he spots renjun stirring what he assumes is soup in one of donghyuck’s red pots. his best friend turns his head in donghyuck’s way, smiling ever so gently once he spots donghyucks’s haunched frame. 

he takes a seat on one of the light brown stools placed in front of his kitchen counters, mumbling a barely audible “hi”. 

“hey,” renjun replies, continuing to stir the contents in the pot.

“how’re you feeling now?” he asks, turning off the heat of the stove. 

“honestly? like shit,” donghyuck chuckles. he sighs, placing his forehead on top of the back of his cold hands. 

“understandable,” renjun mutters.

donghyuck hears the sound of glass bowls clacking, and within minutes, a hot bowl of soup is placed right in front of him. 

“maybe this will make you feel a little better,” renjun explains, ruffling donghyuck’s hair a little. “drink up.”

and donghyuck does. he drinks slowly and quietly, savoring the taste of the soup that’s warming his insides up.

donghyuck lays his head on renjun’s shoulder, gazing at the tv screen. they’ve been quiet for a while, and for a second, he thinks renjun might be able to hear his heart that’s hammering against his chest, beating faster than its usual pace. he’s so thankful for his best friend, his presence alone makes donghyuck feel so much better. he’s not alone, for once. 

“wanna tell me what’s wrong?” renjun’s timid voice breaks the silence in half. 

donghyuck is soundless for a few more moments, mind running. he wants to spill everything to his best friend so bad, tell him what’s been haunting his mind lately, and he does. he tells renjun everything from the beginning, how he and mark have been fucking for months, how mark makes him feel so fucking good, how mark promises him to be his everything in the night as he kisses his neck, and how he leaves in the morning. he spills his sorrows in between tears, how he realized he fell in love with mark, how he can’t say no to mark, how mark once said he can’t do relationships, doesn’t like commitment. 

renjun holds him so firmly, running the pads of his fingers through donghyuck’s soft strands, much like donghyuck did to mark’s hair last night. it calms him down.

“he kissed me yesterday, and he never kisses me unless we’re having sex,” donghyuck whispers.

renjun is silent for a while, only hugging donghyuck tighter. “he’s using you, donghyuck.” he speaks, tone cold. 

donghyuck is quick to deny it, voice shaky. “no, he’s not. he was clear about it ever since day one, renjun.” he sighs. “it’s my fault.”

renjun is speechless. “you can’t keep this going on donghyuck, it’s messing you up so bad! look at what it’s done to you!” he exclaims. 

“renjun, please.” donghyuck mumbles softly. 

he can’t do this now.  
he knows renjun is right, renjun is always right. he needs to put an end to their weird relationship as soon as possible. he knows that, but he can’t do it. he doesn’t think he’ll be able to do it, ever.  
he doesn’t want to lose mark. he loves him too much to lose him. 

“i don’t want to lose him.” he murmurs sadly into renjun’s chest. 

-

he hasn’t heard from mark in a week. donghyuck realizes that as he exits the door of the dance studio. it’s another cold night with rain drops drizzling onto the dark asphalt. he’s sure he reeks of sweat, and his legs are killing him, but he feels satisfied, having spent the entire day trying to perfect the new dance routine he’s been working on. 

if there’s something he might love a little more than mark, it’s dancing. the feeling he gets as soon as his body starts moving to the rhythm of the song is indescribable. he feels so good, so free. untouchable. 

he puts his hood up and starts in the direction of his abode, thinking about what he would have as a late dinner. he has barely been walking for five minutes when he feels his phone vibrating in the pocket of his black sweatpants. his heart thrums against his chest as he reads mark’s name on the bright screen, and he stops in his track. 

come over. i have a surprise :)

donghyuck reads the text over and over again, mind running at a speed of a hundred miles per hour, trying to analyze what the fuck did mark mean. in the light shower of rain and without much of a second thought, he finds himself replying with an ‘okay’, feet turning to the direction of mark’s flat. he can say no to anyone but mark. 

his cold fingers hover over the door bell before deciding that knocking is indeed a better option. his knuckles softly collide with the wooden door as he stands there, waiting for mark to appear. he hasn’t seen or heard from the elder in seven whole days, and donghyuck steadily starts to wonder why.  
he‘s aware that mark’s job as a music composer left him quite busy most of the days, but the latter has never really ghosted donghyuck for that long. 

he starts to think that his knock wasn’t that loud, and moves to knock again, fist curled tightly, but the door opens before his knuckles could come in contact with the hard wood, and mark’s face appears. 

the first thing donghyuck notices is mark’s eyes. they’re very red, he notes. his nose picks up the smell, and his mind immediately registers what all of this is about. mark smiles in his direction, opening the door wider, a silent invitation for donghyuck to come in. donghyuck silently follows the elder into his room, the smell of weed becoming more evident and stronger. he hears the low hum of music in the background, some r&b song he’s never heard of. the room’s only source of light being the dim, yellow lamp right beside the bookshelf in the corner of mark’s room. 

mark sits on his unmade bed, and gestures for donghyuck to join him. they’ve been silent up until now, the only form of communication being mark’s actions. he’s sits right beside mark, and the latter wastes no time slotting their lips together in a deep kiss. 

“i missed you,” mark mumbles against donghyuck’s lips, voice slightly muffled. the younger tries to ignore the way his heart flutters at the sound of these words. he can’t fathom the effect these three simple words had on him. 

“me too,” donghyuck mumbles back, eyes closing. 

mark leans back, taking the blunt that’s on his side table in between his fingers, and bringing it into donghyuck’s vision. donghyuck decides if he wants to do this, he would rather do it while he’s high off his mind. he feels his worries dissolving into figments as he takes a long drag, blunt still in between mark’s pale fingers. he blows the smoke into the elder’s face, smirking in the process. 

they’re on each other in no time, head high up in the sky. mark’s lips are on donghyuck’s neck, sucking, but not hard enough to leave a visible blotch. he’s a writhing mess under mark, so sensitive, whimpering in reaction to mark’s soft touches. his mind is so gone, not registering anything until the elder’s hot lips are around his throbbing cock, sucking ever so softly. he tangles his fingers in mark’s hair, moaning in pleasure as the elder bobs his head, taking more of donghyuck. gentle “ah’s” leave the younger’s mouth, whispering soft praises. his fingers pull at the short strands of mark’s hair as he empties his load into mark’s hot cavern, whining so loudly. mark kisses him seconds later, and he can clearly taste himself, but he doesn’t give a fuck, too busy licking into mark’s mouth. 

he hears the sound of the bottle of lube popping open, and seconds later, feels two cool fingers prodding at his entrance. minutes later, mark is deep inside of him, grunting right beside his ear. he bucks his hips so slowly, pushing inside of donghyuck, making him lose what’s left of his mind. donghyuck hooks his ankles around mark, bringing the elder even closer to him, savoring the skin to skin contact. his short fingernails scratch at mark’s back as the latter slowly fucks into him. in his high blur and for a second, donghyuck allows himself to think he means something to mark, with the way he’s so deeply pushing into his tight hole. he allows himself to feel, allows himself to relish the moment. he prays mark is too high to notice how ruined donghyuck is, how his hands shake as he drags them into the elder’s hair. mark’s grunts and donghyuck’s soft whines ring throughout the room, they’re both at their peak, mark finishing right inside of donghyuck, the younger coming for the second time, sticky fluid decorating the expanses of his flat stomach. 

mark lays down next to him, breathing heavily. he nuzzles his face into the space between donghyuck’s neck and shoulder, breathing in his scent. the two lay there in the dim room, tired and worn out. 

with donghyuck thinking mark is fast asleep, he moves quietly to get up, but is startled when he feels the weight of mark’s bare leg right over his own, caging him in. his heart starts beating faster. 

“shower first,” mark mumbles. and donghyuck can’t say no. he is quiet sticky and he feels dirty, too. so he thinks mark has a point. he can’t help the feeling of disappointment sinking into his chest. he really thought mark would want him to stay. 

“join me?” donghyuck finds himself suggesting, and by the time he realizes what he has just said, it’s too late to take it back. 

mark replies by kissing his neck, muttering a soft “okay” before getting up. 

donghyuck follows mark again, this time into the big, cold bathroom. he hisses as his feet come in contact with the cold tiles, quickly walking in the direction of the shower, mark in tow.  
he sighs as soon as the lukewarm water hits his skin, easing his drained muscles. he begins scrubbing at his skin with his bare hands until mark hands him his shower gel, donghyuck belatedly realizing that he’s going to end up smelling exactly like mark. he suddenly feels two hands work into his scalp, massaging it, and registers that mark is washing his hair. the younger finds himself smiling, glad that his back is facing mark. he can’t help the little butterflies fluttering in his stomach. donghyuck quickly washes the shampoo from his hair before turning to face mark. 

“your turn,” he mumbles, hands already pouring a small amount of mark’s shampoo into his palms. he excpects mark to turn around and give donghyuck his broad back, much like donghyuck did, but he doesn’t. instead, he stands there, facing donghyuck. donghyuck doesn’t say anything and starts softly massaging mark’s scalp, replaying the light movements the elder just performed mere minutes ago. he hears mark quietly moan as he absentmindedly tugs at one strand and chuckles gently to himself. 

“you like that?” donghyuck asks.

mark hums in reply, head leaning back as donghyuck washes the shampoo from mark’s hair. he then turns around to grab mark’s shower gel so mark could wash himself but stops once he feels mark’s nimble fingertips on his hips. he’s suddenly turned around and pushed right against the freezing wall of the shower, mark’s swollen, plush lips attacking his own. 

mark fucks him agaisnt the shower’s blue wall, hard and deep, and donghyuck fucking loves it. although he can barely hold himself up, legs wrapped so tightly around mark’s hips, he loves the feeling of the warm water free falling down his worn-out body as mark fucks into his hole, indulging the way mark grunts into his neck, muttering curse words every now and then. donghyuck comes for the third time that night, body almost giving away, load washing up with the water. he’s absolutely drained now, every ounce of power left in him holding so tightly onto mark. the elder’s hold on him is so firm as he rides out his high, spurting his hot seed inside of donghyuck, the younger moaning brokenly and his body trembles. 

mark carries donghyuck’s exhausted body back to the bed, donghyuck’s head laying on mark’s shoulder. his bare back hits mark’s mattress, and he lays down to face the ceiling. he gathers enough power to sit up and start drying himself, droopy eyes closing every few seconds. the elder throws him a hoodie and some shorts, and he sluggishly puts them on. his sleepy gaze lands on mark, who’s busy drying his hair. he seems to feel donghyuck’s gaze on him, turning his head to face the younger. he notices the younger trying to get up, and he quickly strides to where donghyuck sits, standing right in front of him, preventing him from moving. 

“wait,” he speaks, leaning down to grab the towel that’s on the bed. 

donghyuck just stares up, looking at mark, trying to make sense of everything in his tired haze. 

“i need you to turn around for me baby,” mark mumbles softly, voice a little tired, too. 

and donghyuck silently obeys, turning his back to mark. he feels the older start drying his hair with the towel, motions quick yet gentle. the corners of donghyuck’s mouth lift up in a soft smile to himself. he closes his eyes and leans his head back, exhaling.  
he thanks the elder in a soft whisper, sleepy eyes watching mark’s softhearted grin. 

“sleep,” mark says. 

“i have to-“

“i said sleep, donghyuck.” mark cuts him off, tone leaving no place for argument. and donghyuck knows better than to argue with mark. 

the last thing he remembers is the sensation of a pair of lips on his forehead leaving a warm peck. he’s too dazed to differentiate if it’s reality or a dream. 

he dreams of mark that night. 

-

it takes his eyes a few moments to adjust to the bright light in the room, orbs slowly looking around. he knows for a fact that he’s in mark’s room, his smell floating everywhere. he moves to sit up, muscles throbbing in protest at his sudden movements. mark isn’t by his side, and donghyuck thinks mark isn’t even home, his evidence being the extremely quiet home.  
his mind begins replaying a few scenes of what happened yesterday in no consistent order. he faintly remembers mark kissing him, mark fucking him, once on the bed and once in the confines of the shower. he begins to realize that mark let him, ordered him to sleep, making that a first in the books of their fucked up relationship. it still doesn’t explain why mark is missing from his own home. 

one look to his left helps him spot his phone on the side table. he spots a tall glass of water, two pills of painkillers laying right beside it, and his heart does a somersault.  
he tiredly grabs his phone, turning on the screen. the clock reads 11, and his eyes land on mark’s name. he opens the text, heart still throbbing. 

had to run for a meeting. hope you aren’t too tired. i’ll see you soon :)

donghyuck curses mark and his dumb fucking smiley face as he finishes reading the short text, throwing his phone onto the bed, watching it land on top of the grey duvet with a soft thud. the disappointing feelings he’s grown accustomed to begins to resurface, sitting right on top of his chest. donghyuck curses himself next, not quite believing how dumb he was and still is. did he really think he would see mark’s soft features first thing in the morning?

he trudges around the room dully, changing into his clothes from the previous night. he takes the glass of water into his hand, gulping down the painkillers. he thinks maybe mark isn’t that much of an asshole. 

the younger slowly cleans around the room, tidying up, deeming it basic, common courtesy. he can’t seem to find his hoodie for some reason, having searched the entire room for it. so, he dons one of mark’s dark hoodies before he texts mark, informing him that he’s awake and explaining to him that it’s okay. he mentions that he couldn’t find his hoodie so he had to take one of mark’s, finally typing a thanks at the end. he doesn’t know why is he thanking mark, though. 

donghyuck leaves mark’s apartment with a heavy heart and a silent promise to himself, he’s going to end this soon. 

-

he breaks that promise within a few days, mark so intensely deep inside of him, hot, drunk breath hitting his neck. he’s screaming mark’s name into the dark night, bed squeaking in protest at the harsh movements. mark is mouthing at the honey inches of the younger’s neck, biting down every now and then, tongue darting out to lick the raw, sensitive skin. donghyuck thinks mark looks so hot like this, sweaty hair still styled up, little drops of perspiration evident on his forehead, trickling down the side of his face. 

mark suddenly pulls out of donghyuck, the latter whining at the sudden emptiness. the elder moves to donghyuck’s side, leaning his back agaisnt the headboard. 

“ride me,” he speaks.

and donghyuck doesn’t need to be told twice, jumping right onto mark, straddling the elder. he sinks right back down on mark’s cock, moaning in satisfaction. he feels mark’s big hands on the supple skin of his ass, pulling the skin apart. the younger bounces up and down, breathing heavily. he savors the way mark feels inside of him like this, his thick cock filling him up so good, hitting all the right places. he cracks one eye open, gaze landing on mark, and he thinks it has to be the hottest thing he’s ever seen. mark’s neck is littered with red, black hair shining, eyes closed and mouth slightly opened, harsh exhales and occasional grunts leaving his lips. donghyuck deems this view worth breaking his promise for. 

the two come undone together at the same time, mark moaning so loud it echoes in the dark room, donghyuck screaming mark’s name, chanting it like a spell. donghyuck cannot feel his trembling legs, passing out right on top of mark. 

when he gains consciousness, he hears the door of his room shut close. this time, he doesn’t have enough tears to cry, too fatigued. too tired. he stares at the door instead until he falls right back to sleep. 

and that’s exactly how the next few months go by, donghyuck meeting mark at hours deemed unacceptable in the night, unable to say no, too afraid of losing mark, and mark fucking the brains out of donghyuck, sometimes even multiple times throughout the night. he fucks him on the bed, face squished against the pillows, broken moans filling the room. he fucks him against the wall, thrusts so hard donghyuck’s head hits the wall. he fucks him in the shower. he fucks him high and drunk, stressed and sad, happy and content, and for a second donghyuck is sure the older is trying to leave his mark everywhere in an attempt haunt donghyuck. 

however, every night ends up in the same scenario, the exact same way; mark leaving. 

donghyuck finally admits that it has began taking a huge toll on him, way more than before. mentally, he couldn’t go minutes without thinking of mark. mark and his touches. what mark had whispered to him the night prior, bruises and red hickies a constant reminder of their late night affairs. it was always just thoughts of mark swarming his head, slowly filling his mind up with dark, non-stop ideas. physically, it even lead him to seclude himself, sheltering his frail mind and body from anyone that wasn’t mark. he thinks he’s even lost a few pounds trying to dance his worries away. his ever so bright face now dull when he’s in the confines of his own home, alone in the gloom. 

he wants to blame mark so bad. wants to put all the blame on him, scream at the elder until his lungs give out, tell him what he’s done to him. he wants to so bad. but he can’t.  
he belatedly realizes mark has never promised him anything. he straight-up told donghyuck he could be his everything during the late night, but he can’t do promises. he can’t do rings, that it’s just a ‘no strings attached’ relationship, and donghyuck can’t blame anyone but himself, his dumb self for falling so fucking deeply for mark. falling for the way he utters his name, falling for the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs at one of yangyang’s dumb jokes, falling for the way his pink lips mouth at donghyuck’s. he blames absolutely no one but himself. 

renjun find his best friend sobbing uncontrollably on his bed, having invited himself in once he received no answer at the door. they’re back in the same position they were once in just a few months ago. differnece is, donghyuck is way too broken now, way too hurt, way too gone. 

“you’re ending this, donghyuck. or i will,” renjun angrily mutters agaisnt donghyuck’s hair. 

-

he doesn’t end it.  
mark texts him as soon as renjun leaves, and he’s at donghyuck’s doorstep within ten minutes. if he notices donghyuck’s swollen eyes, he doesn’t mention it. 

the elder is quick to press donghyuck agaisnt the wall, mumbling a soft “i need you” right against his lips. 

donghyuck is trying to reciprocate, but can barely hold it all in. he wants to kiss mark back, he wants to be mark’s everything for the night, but he just can’t. not tonight. 

he feels the tears brimming his eyes, blurring his vision and he can’t hold them in anymore, so he lets them out, right in front of mark. he feels himself sliding down the wall, barely able to carry his own weight up. his mind hardly registers mark’s panicked voice right above him. he feels himself being carried up and away, realizing it’s mark who’s carrying his weight now. 

he doesn’t know how he ends up in mark’s arms, too drained protest or object. he’s crying into mark’s neck as the older holds him like his life depends on it, shushing him so softly, trying to calm him down. donghyuck has no idea how long has it been, but it takes him a while to respond to mark’s voice and finally calm down, his face still buried into the elder’s warm neck as he deeply breathes in and out. he feels mark’s hand at his nape, long fingers slowly massaging the area until he’s reduced to a sniffling mess. 

he speaks it into mark’s neck, voice scratchy, barely audible. “i can’t do this anymore, mark.” 

but mark hears it, and donghyuck feels him tensing up for a moment, all movements stilling, breath hitching. 

“why?”

it’s hesitant, donghyuck can tell. mark’s voice is so meek, so small. 

donghyuck pulls away from mark, moving to face the elder. he takes in mark’s features, because he thinks it might be the last time he might see them. he knows he’s losing him tonight. 

“i want you to be my everything during the day, not just the night,” he whispers, blurry eyes boring into mark’s hazey ones. 

trembling fingers take ahold of mark’s face, “but you don’t want that, can’t do that, and i- i can’t keep going on, mark.” donghyuck pauses before shakily continuing, “we agreed on no strings attached, but somewhere along the way, all my fucking strings got attached.”

he watches mark’s still face through teary eyes, the elder completely silent. motionless. the tears begin to make way down his cheeks one by one, bleary orbs gazing at mark’s. 

“i’m in love with you, mark.” 

donghyuck thinks the world has stopped the moment he whispers those six words, his sole focus being mark. his warm hold never falters, eyes staring into mark’s wide ones. he shakily smiles his soft smile, not paying mind to mark’s star struck expression. 

“i’ve been in love with you for a long, long time. i love you so much it hurts.” his eyes glisten with tears, a few of them falling as a small sob escapes his lips. 

and suddenly, he can’t bare looking at mark anymore. he can’t bare staring at his still, unmoving face. he can’t bare feeling the heat radiating from his body because of their close proximity. but he doesn’t want to move, too scared, afraid mark would disappear and slip right through his finger. 

he has no energy left to move, to run. so he finds refuge in mark’s neck, hoping it shields him from mark’s eyes. he cries again, surprising himself with the fact that he still has tears left, holding tightly onto the fabric of mark’s sweater. mark’s arms tighten around his frame, bringing the younger impossibly closer to him, hands caressing his back, trying to bring him back to serenity. 

he hears mark’s quivering exhale, before feeling the pads of mark’s hot fingers on his face. donghyuck is absolutely sure he looks like a pathetic, small mess. he has wetted the collar of mark’s shirt with enough tears to last a lifetime, and he’s certain there’s snot in addition to the salty tears covering the entirety of his face.  
but mark still swipes his fingers tenderly on donghyuck’s supple cheeks, wiping the tears away gently. he’s holding donghyuck’s head between his hands, and mere moments later, his lips are on his. 

mark kisses him with all his might, all his power. he kisses him so deeply yet so softly, and donghyuck thinks it’s not real, thinks he’s dreaming. it’s unlike any other kiss they’ve shared before, so mellow and tender. so full of love. 

mark pulls away slowly, almost reluctantly. the pads of his fingers move smoothly over donghyuck’s wet cheekbones. he utters his first proper words for the night, shaky voice so low donghyuck barely hears it. 

“do you remember that night, almost four months ago, when you fixed my hair before i left? it was three a.m, and you smiled so softly at me before running your fingers through my hair.”

donghyuck nods, unable to speak, confusion clear on his face. 

mark sighs shakily, hold trembling slightly. 

“that night, that exact moment, that’s when i realized i was in love with you, donghyuck.”

-

that night feels like it never happened, a dream, a faint memory in donghyuck’s mind. he vaguely recalls waking up in the elder’s arms, face tucked into his neck, a scenario he’s grown accustomed to now. that’s how he knew everything was going to be okay. 

he remembers mark’s serene face, fingers softly tracing his features, not quite believing what’s in front of his eyes.  
he woke mark up with a gentle kiss that morning, right on his lips, still trying to convince himself it was reality and not some far away dream. his mind recollects fragments of what happened next, mark lazily kissing him back, mark moving on top of donghyuck, straddling him, mark kissing the insides of donghyuck’s golden thighs, sinking deep into him as the sun rose above the horizon, proving to him this was no day-dream and just plain actuality, pure reality. 

donghyuck murmured so many “i love you’s” into mark’s neck that morning, mark deepening his thrusts in reaction, worshipping the younger’s body, showing the younger just how much he adored him, cherished him, loved him. 

donghyuck’s thoughts that dawn didnt float around his head for much, mind too busy focusing on mark’s slow movements inside of him, but he clearly recalls thinking that broken promises are something he will never mind, because as long as mark is there in the morning and in the night, holding him, kissing him, making him feel whole, he will allow all the promises to break.

**Author's Note:**

> not exactly how i imagined it would go, but i’m still happy with it & i hope y’all are too.
> 
> ps. my heart actually hurt while writing this 
> 
> kudos and constructive criticism (comments!) means a lot!


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